The “Almost” Spaz….

The “Almost” Spaz….

The “Almost” Spaz is just that. You “Almost” Spaz. There you are, spending time with family. Gathered around the table after enjoying a highly digestible dinner, talking, laughing, when one of your siblings who has rolled a black piece of electrical tape between his fingers yells, “OH MY GOD! A SPIDER!!!” He then proceeds to flick this balled up tape on you. You jump up so fast, knocking dish’s to the floor, scattering dinner rolls, and before the blood curdling scream can escape your lips, your brain conveys to your eyes, it is not a spider, it is black electrical tape that your Moronic brother flicked on you in hopes of watching one of your famous spaz attacks, but you are not going to humor him, or any other member of your family. You have risen to the occasion, held your head high, and ‘Almost” spazed. That’s right, ALMOST! It’s when you feel an attack, but realize in the nick of time, that no spaz is necessary. I was working in my yard just today. As I made my way between the fence and some trees, I felt it. The creepiest feeling any Aracnaphob can feel. A cobweb! I walked right through it. Immediately there is that familiar knot in your stomach, hands come up, your on the verge of screaming, you start looking all over your body, eyes are bugging, breathing is rapid, and then… WEPH! No Spider. That’s right, it’s a false alarm. The relief one feels after this experience is nothing short of taking a muscle relaxer. That is why it is called, The “Almost” Spaz. Of all Spider Spasm’s, I believe this to be my favorite. It requires no dropping and rolling, no standing there naked soaking wet, no blowing the family Cat out of the window sill with the power washer, just a nice overwhelming feeling of calm when you understand that no spaz was required. A nice feeling indeed!


  1. Very funny lady!! looking forward to reading more from you!

  2. Hey — you’ve stopped writing! Why? Your stories are fun to read.

  3. I love it and saw it first hand tonight

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