It’s a lovely spring day. The sun is bright, the breeze is warm, birds are chirping, flowers are blooming. A time for planting, gardening, BBQ with friends. All of nature is awake. And unfortunately for this woman writing this story, so are the Spiders! In my life time I have seen some spiders. Big ones, little ones, Black ones, Brown ones, and the occasional White one. Today however, I saw the King. No, NOT Elvis. The King of all spiders. The spider that all other spiders bow to and fall down on all eight legs as he passes by. A spider that could scare a Pit Bull off a meat wagon! If there were a spider underworld, HE would be “Scarface”. I was planting flowers next to the house, and was down on all fours covered in potting soil. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a large dark mass moving slowly not more than 10 inches from my head! I turned and came face to face with HIM! Now here is where the different forms of ” Spider Spazing” happens. First, just for a moment, I went into ” Spider Shock Syndrome”. A little like ” Toxic Shock Syndrome” without that time of the month. Anyway, I felt feverish, light-headed, and nauseated. Then a touch of the ” Holy S@#T” Spaz kicked in. I sucked in mass quantities of air, jumped backwards, and had a very obscene word fly out of my mouth. This is when the ” Crab Crawl Spaz” took full effect. I started crab crawling backwards, never taking my eyes off of ” IT”. All the while a steady stream of obscenities was flowing out of my mouth as I crawled, bringing to the attention of my neighbor with the “Special” Shed my problem. By the time I had crawled halfway across the yard, ” IT ” was gone, and my neighbor was offering me a sample of what grows in his “Special” Shed stating it would “calm my nerves.” I believe it’s either that, or a stiff shot of whatever is in our liquor cabinet! As for the rest of this lovely spring day, I am indoors watching “I love Lucy”, and THAT is where THIS redhead plans on staying! ( I will be heading to Home Depot tomorrow for an assortment of pesticides)